Work

Dang, it feels really nice to have a Saturday off for once, even if WFO screwed up my time off request by giving me the whole day instead of just three hours.

I’ve been in bed all morning, enjoying the lazy time.

Time change still has me a mile off of the ordinary, though.

I could let the title of this entry be the entire content, but I think I owe you all an explanation. Hopefully, this one’s not against the old NDA I was under (hence the lack of real meat in my work posts).

Basically, the company I work for here, doing tech support for AOL had to lay all of us off, due to… extenuating circumstances. This was something I knew was coming two months ago, and I was prepared and ready. I was planning on using my time off to claim unemployment, and search for a job with similar pay, or even go back to my old job.

On our last week there, I get a phone call just before I could call in with my doctor’s note, telling me that there is an opening available for me with the same company, but doing support for Dell. They tell me it involves a pay raise, which I was pleased as punch to hear, so of course, I went for it.

Therefore, I’ve spent all of THIS week off from work, and will be working next week, by doing over a month of proper training.

I’m glad, too. It means I get to keep benefits, and might be able to make some necessary progress.

A random topic for a random post, or so it would seem.

I’ve spent my days at work playing Nowhere Else and Beyond, simply because I’m waiting on phone calls to come in. All I do when I’m not bothering with quests, is farm for ingots of raw material. The ingots I farm for get sold to someone for large chunks of in-game gold, which makes me happy as a clam.

I use that gold to buy better equipment and spells so that I can go longer in my quest for thousands upon thousands of ingots. By thousands and thousands, I do mean that I farmed up 2050+ Iron ingots alone yesterday. I don’t even remember the gold or platinum count, and I know that I need to switch dungeons to farm up any mythril. It’ll happen eventually. I’m even playing the mini-game that deals with running a mining rig, and I’ve got 5th or 6th place for everything, on average.

What saddens me is that I’m basically being paid to play games while waiting for phone calls. I sort of feel like I’m one of those Chinese Gold Farmers we joke about in most MMORPGs.

I actually hope for more phone calls today, and I hope they’re the short kind. A whole mess of 10 minute calls would do wonders for me. I mean, back to back to back to back 10 minute calls.

i r ded

… or at least, that’s how I feel right now.
Struggling to figure out how I’m going to get a place to sleep tonight, since I work that funky 15:30 to 0:30 schedule.

I’m not sure what’s going on right now.
I am just hanging onto it for dear life, though.

Well, Today marks my fourth full day on the phones at work, and while I was in the middle of a call, one of the assistants stops by my cube, and says “Justin, sign this.”

Apparently, I have officially passed training, and am therefore officially accepted as an agent on the floor.

Now all I have to do is make sure of how I’m going to manage going to and from work next week, since I work an inverted schedule: 15:30 to 0:30.

Well, today is the last day of our training in the classroom.

On Monday, we will be moved out onto the phone system once and for proper, in our endeavor to assist the members of America Online^W^W AOL with their AOL Software issues.

I expect to get a lot of people who don’t quite understand that AOL isn’t responsible for things such as their cat being lost, or Windows managing to issue them a Blue Screen of Death™ because they moved their mouse, or their beloved World of Warcraft account having all of its stuff looted by a skr1pt k1dd13 (lolol!!!!!1!!1!1).
I expect to be able to direct these members to the appropriate forms of assistance (Local Animal Services, Local Computer Technician, Microsoft, Blizzard, whatever it may be).

As for the ones who have actual issues with AOL, I expect to be able to help them to the best of my ability.

I’m actually ever so slightly nervous about this.

I survived my first week of work, though training has been a relatively harsh mistress to me.

Because I must be at my bus stop by 5:01 am each day, I’m up by 4 in the morning.
I get to work just before 6, eat breakfast, and sit through hours of training material, pretending to not be bored out of my mind by the constant reviewing of it, starting at 7 in the morning. Being a kinetic learner, I learn better by doing something after being shown a few times. This is a bit slower for me to pick up, as a result.

I also know that I must reel in what knowledge I already have, and try to adapt to using their tools, rather than suddenly blurting something like, “Download Spybot S&D, then run that. You need to do this, because you’re loaded with spyware.”

When we leave at about 3:55 pm or so, I have to get to the bus stop as quickly as possible, only to wait, since the 4:01 pm bus never seems to come on time.

So, if I skip the library and the store, I get to the Salvation Army lodging at about 5 pm. Else, I get in about 7 pm.

I just need to make it through the next three weeks.
Tomorrow, I guess I’ll go to the store, and get myself some of the imported Red Bull with my plasma money. I want to see if the import tastes any better, since I can’t get my hands on my Bawls.

I know I can do this job, but I just need to actually try to do it.

Finally, a public note to a specific reader:

Alvein, thanks.

More to come later.

Well, I’m sitting at work right now, in the breakroom. I’ve got my new badge on my hip, and I’m sitting at a Windows 2000 box (it’s true: without a patch, Windows2000 will not update its time to meet the correct time), writing up this post.

I’m somewhat nervous, but I’ve got this momentary calm rolling through me, letting me know that gee, it’s gonna be okay after all. It’s just me being a nervous wreck.

Heck, given that I work for an ISP, I get access to the Internet at work, for free.

I admit, I’ll have to put all of my bias aside, to do what I was hired to do: Assist users in having a great experience with America Online. It won’t be difficult for me to do, but I have to remember to do it.

[tags]America Online, Stream, AOL, Technical Support, First day of work[/tags]

I have been trying to get php5 up and running on my spare computer here (Pentium II, 400 MHz, 128 MB of PC-100, running FreeBSD 6) for the past two or three days now.

Unfortunately, it’s been a constantly uphill battle. I can’t get a damn thing done with it, due to the torrential amount of errors I’ve dealt with. As soon as I clear one batch of errors, another one appears.

I’ve become increasingly frustrated with trying to set this up, despite googling for answers (This includes using the special google.com/bsd search to focus my results a fair bit more).

Right now, all I want php5 for is to test Habari on my little box. Everything else that I’d like to play around with can probably be easily done from php4.

Instead, I get this:

PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/bz2.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/bz2.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/curl.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/curl.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/gettext.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/gettext.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/gmp.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/gmp.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/iconv.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/iconv.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/imap.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/imap.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mbstring.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mbstring.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mcrypt.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mcrypt.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mhash.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mhash.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mysqli.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/mysqli.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/ncurses.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/ncurses.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/openssl.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/openssl.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/pdo.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/pdo.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/pgsql.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/pgsql.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/readline.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/readline.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/recode.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/recode.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/simplexml.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/simplexml.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/snmp.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/snmp.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sockets.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sockets.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sqlite.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sqlite.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvmsg.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvmsg.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvsem.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvsem.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvshm.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/sysvshm.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/dom.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/dom.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlreader.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlreader.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlrpc.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlrpc.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlwriter.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xmlwriter.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xsl.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/xsl.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library '/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/zip.so' - Cannot open "/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/zip.so" in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: [tag]PHP[/tag] Startup: Unable to load dynamic library ‘/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/calendar.so’ - Cannot open “/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/calendar.so” in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library ‘/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/dbase.so’ - Cannot open “/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/dbase.so” in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library ‘/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/fileinfo.so’ - Cannot open “/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/fileinfo.so” in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library ‘/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/ftp.so’ - Cannot open “/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/ftp.so” in Unknown on line 0
PHP Warning: PHP Startup: Unable to load dynamic library ‘/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-[tag]debug[/tag]/gd.so’ - Cannot open “/usr/local/lib/php/20060613-debug/gd.so” in Unknown on line 0
I’m rebuilding the extensions at the moment to see what will happen, but right now, it’s doing all sorts of irritate-the-crap-out-of-me.

What I need at the moment is:
A solution to the [tag]segmentation fault[/tag]ing that php5 is doing (also, where the hell are the logs for this thing?)
A way to get [tag]php5[/tag] and php4 to coexist, so I can at least move forward on that front.

I also need a temporary job that I can commute to and from via the bus system, since my car is in serious need of repair or replacement.

This ain’t my week, baby.

It is with great happiness that I inform everyone of these news tidbits.

First: I have been struggling with my practice exams, with the Superman class exam consistently knocking me on my arse.
It is with great delight that I inform you of my passing that practice exam on Sunday. I am currently waiting for my paperwork in the mail, so that I can move on to take the state level exam for becoming a [tag]Life Insurance[/tag] agent.

Second: This one pertains mostly to you LiveJournalers, and anyone else that participates in OpenID.
Thanks to the WPOpenID plugin, I am now able to support users using OpenID for comments.
I’ll need to update my comment form slightly to show support there, but for now, please use the sidebar to log in via [tag]OpenID[/tag]. You may comment this way, with relative ease.

This isn’t official by a long shot, but I’ve managed to get SimplePie with the Multifeeds addon to work inside of WordPress, as a sort of “LiveJournal Friends Page” clone.

Right now, it requires manual configuration, and isn’t the most complete thing, for what I want to do, but I can click on a link in my WP Admin console, and view these feeds from within WordPress.

I need to get the CSS isolated some more, and clean up the original MultiFeeds generated code, to make it display the way I’d like it to, but right now, I think it’d be something I can call “progress”.

I also would like to make a nice, clean interface that would allow a person to add up to, say, fifty feeds to the reader, and show up to one hundred (default of 30) items, threaded like you’d expect to see them on the LiveJournal Friends Page.

I did this last night, after getting frustrated with this one last test I need to take. The material was driving me nuts, so I went to take it out on that.

I’ll give that test one more try tonight, and then I’ll go back to work on my WordPress Plugin.
(Of course, I half-expect someone to pop in and say, “Justin, someone already made a plugin that does what you’re trying to do. You’re reinventing the wheel!” right about now. If you do, I won’t be mad at all, as long as it works. :))

This is for the first of four tests for me to become a licensed [tag]Life Insurance[/tag] agent.
That’s the 150 question practice test.

I took it once before, and got an 82% on it then.
I used the explanations and answers they gave me after the test to sharpen up, and come back with a devastating 98 hit combo.

I’m about to start on the 100 question Einstein test.
I can only miss 10 questions on that one, I suppose.

Then I have to do the Superman test after that.
Not sure of its size.

Then I can figure out how to pay for the State Exam.

I’m doing this with no continues left.

[tags]State Exam, Insurance Agent, Testing, Licensing[/tags]

This entry is a huge THANK YOU! to Keilaron, who, single-handedly is sponsoring my licensing test to become a Life Insurance Agent.

I made the payment this morning via PayPal, and I’ve been working on the material.

It’s a bit dry, but I haven’t much time to work with. I have to get this done, and get insured as quickly as possible.

I WILL do this.

Sorry I’ve had to neglect the PayPerPost forums, but this comes first, the ability to pay my bills and support myself, as well as my family.
I have to get this done.

No.

I WILL GET THIS DONE.

I’m sick of being afraid.
I’m sick of being sick.
I have a goal.

I want to win, and I want to move forward with my life.
I want to shrug off all my debts, and be able to show myself, and show my late parents that I can be gainfully employed.

They’re watching me now, on this giant stage we call Life, and it’s time for me to show my power in this, the next act of my life.

This leaf leads to my [tag]wish[/tag] on robinhoodfund.com, where I’d like to earn your [tag]votes[/tag], and hopefully get this car I drive insured.

My car is nothing fancy. Its paint is peeling. The speedometer is broken, so I get to guess how fast I’m going. It doesn’t even have a passenger-side rear view mirror. The gas tank has a small leak in it. The engine mounts are probably all cracked by now.

But, it’s my car, and I need it for as long as it will last me.

I realize that most of you don’t want to register somewhere new, and I apologize for that, but if you would do it for me, I’ll be okay, because that means I have a better chance of having my wish granted by the [tag]Robin Hood Fund[/tag], compared to some of the wishes I saw in the list.

Thanks very much for your time and consideration.
- Xee

Well, after chewing on it a fair bit today, and for the past couple of months, it looks like I may have to take the risk of quitting my current job, so that I can take another job.

No one seems to want to allow a potential employee to give their current job a two week notice before quitting, and will pass over them for someone who can start now Now NOW!!! instead. This is pretty disappointing for me, because this is the first time I’ve ever held employment this long at one place, and I don’t really want to leave like these other children do. I’d like to make a respectable exit on good terms with my employer, if only because I may find myself heading back in their direction some day.

On top of this, my schedule at my current place of employment has a nasty tendency to flip-flop back and forth a *lot*. This makes just getting a second job rather difficult (as I experienced early in October).

I think I’ll spend a couple more days looking, before I consider actually doing something this drastic. I just need to do something. I can’t keep being short on my bills each month, and I can’t keep on borrowing money from friends.

Problem is, I need to wrap up some unfinished business at my current employer, regarding my knee, before I can move on.

The other day, I ran into my boss at work.

I was doing my typical clean-up work that I do before the evening starts (so I don’t have to rush and do it all at the end of the night), and he stops me. He says, “Hey, Jumbo, you’re getting a raise.”

Now, while I don’t particularly care for being reminded about my size, I can overlook nearly anything for the right price. Apparently, everyone in our department is getting a raise, and we haven’t even done our evaluations yet.

While I’m not entirely sure of what’s going on, I don’t mind hearing that my pay rate is going to be set to be competitive with the cashiers.

Yet another thing that’s going right in my life, as of late.

I have terrible news.

My mother passed away this evening, while I was at work.

This morning, I had said, “Today will be the day that kills me.”

I wish I would avoid statements like this, however… These are the statements that wound me the most.
When I got the phone call at work an hour ago, I was too stunned to control myself.
I fell down on the sales floor, and I couldn’t stop crying.

Right now, I’m waiting for the police to allow us into the room, so I can see her.

… I didn’t even hug her this morning. I feel so damn rotten. :/

Just a quick post here, on my way to work.
I’m still alive, and struggling like mad with my bills.
I’m hoping to either earn more money, or get a better position here at work.
I also want to bring a couple of my projects together at work, and have them written out logically for presentation to my boss.
Perhaps they’ll think the ideas are worth Six Sigma involvement.
Can’t say what they are just yet, though.

Some of you may have noticed a little bar appearing at the bottom.
That would be my IndieKarma bar. It doesn’t earn me very much at all, but the idea is novel enough for me to be onboard at the beginning, and hopefully encourage the exploration of the service they offer. I see it growing, too: It’s a relatively seamless system.
You log in once at IndieKarma, deposit credits (You get 100 credits ($1) to start, if you’re one of the first five thousand), and go view sites that’re in the network. A little bar pops up at the bottom, thanks you for your donation, and takes a credit (a paltry penny, mind you) from you.

Anyhow.

Off to work myself into the ground.

I was reading a physical copy of the Trib today while at work, and it seems that I am right about one thing:
Watch what you say online [l]. It really can come back to haunt you.

It does seem that things you say or do online may be noticed by potential employers, of which some have begun digging through search engines, MySpace profiles, and anything else that gives them information.
Information that YOU, dear users, are freely giving them.

What’s amusing is, The Wayback Machine never forgives (hint). You can’t always take it back, either. Somewhere out there, it’s in the cache of someone’s computer.

Perhaps this is why I keep blogging sensible things…? I’d recommend that, and a dose of moderation in what you post to MySpace, LiveJournal, etc etc.

(This is why you almost never hear about my job. :))

[tags]Employment Tips, Big Brother[/tags]

So, here’s why I’ve been quiet as of late:

* Haven’t felt like blogging.
* I’ve been in and out of the hospital twice in the past week or so.
* Pneumonia.
* Viral Infection.
* Vertigo.
* I’ve been in and out of Second Life a fair bit.
* I’m expanding my house.
* I’m adding a gallery for Furball to my house.
* I made the ‘clamshell’ image holders, with lights, for her gallery.
* I need to ask her how many horizontal pictures does she have, so I can compensate with horizontal frames along walls.
* I need to re-wallpaper her gallery floor.
* I need to export mousran’s commission, which I’m still working on.
* I’ve been perusing F-Chan and 4-Chan.
* I’ve been trying to put together a resume.
* I want to apply with Stream (AOL Call Center, Tech Support), since they offer better money, and probably 20 times less physical grunt work.
* I want to apply with any local businesses that’re looking for someone geek enough to handle some of their troubles.
* I’ve been helping Gushi out some.
* I need to get to where I’m sitting and focused again.
* I’ve been chewing on logical web development.
* I have an idea for a resume generator. It’s very ajax in its implementation.
* I haven’t decided on whether I want to try to eke it out in PHP, or wait for a couple of Perl books and do it that way to show I’ve learned something.
* I’ve been avoiding everyone on IM.
* Sorry, guys, but until I get better, and get less scatterbrained, it’s hard for me to handle conversation in a timely manner.

That sorta sums up everything for now, I think.

Right now, I’m just going to bed.

Okay. I know some of you post things.
Some of you might even post stuff because I’ve posted stuff.
Livejournal does not offer Pingbacks or Trackbacks to you.
I am. Meet the solitude.dk Pingback Client.
It’s simple to operate:
“Send a manual pingback” to target “whatever entry of mine that you are discussing” from source “whatever post of yours talks about my entry”.

I might have to look into writing my own pingback or trackback plugin of some sort, though.
Make it even easier for you: You click a link here, enter your URL, and submit. It’d be interesting, at least.

I’ve been working a lot lately. Working, sleeping when I get a chance, and being generically bored without my ‘cube and PSO. I’ve stopped playing my GBA, because all I have is Megaman Battle Network 2 and 3 White, and I’m sick of them.

I’ve just about completely given up on trying to get out with the local furs here. They don’t seem to understand a “Can we have a couple of meets during the week, instead of Saturday and Sunday only? I’m always working then.” So screw it, I don’t really care.

I’m going to start eating more often. I have a nasty habit of eating one or two times daily.
The guy at GNC said that this is why I have nearly no metabolism, and I should try eating 4 or 5 small meals a day to help raise it. I know he’s right, too.
I’m amazed that he didn’t try to sell me a miracle pill to fix it all.

I’m going back onto my Melatonin regiment, starting this evening. My sleep pattern is all shot to hell, and what little sleep I get leaves me even more tired than I was before sleeping.

I curse myself, because I can’t meet my own deadlines on a commission.

I’m going to go eat once — something not-McDonalds for once — and come back, to see what I can do on mousran-who-now-posts’ commish.

I’m going to stop in, and say “Hi. I have a sinus infection. I wish I could stay home today, but I really could use the hours. Then I can afford to mail forsolei moneys, and get my ‘cube and two ‘casts back. I miss my Dreamcasts.”

See you all later.

I’ve got the okay from my aunt to get Bright House Networks Roadrunner on her account.

I told her how much I was paying to keep my DSL account going ($31 for phone, $35 for DSL, excluding taxes out the ass), and told her I’d rather not have to keep using their phone line. Her eyes popped out of her head at the prices.

She said “Order cable, just as long as you can keep on top of the bill.”

At $29.99 a month for the first six months, you tell me.

On another note:
mousran, you don’t blog very often. ;3
I’m making slow progress offline, but hopefully I’ll have a day off and a drink, so I can get back to work.
(Surprise: I do my best writing on just one beer.)

Anyhow, work is decent - I’ve been split to two departments. I want to talk to the guy in the bakery, and see if he’s willing to train me over there. He offered me about $3 or $4 an hour more working there.

On an aside, Albertson’s needs to pump their Essensia brand a little more…

This said, I’m off to get dressed for work.

I’m going to eventually start blogging normally here.

Until then, just know that I’m working, a lot.
And I’ll be trying to work as much on Sundays as possible.
$1 more per hour for Sundays = Win.

I had gotten quite addicted to what seemed to be a little flaw in Prime’s email system here, recently. It would allow me to basically log in via Webmail, log out, FTP in, and grab the mbox file while I was at the library, enabling me to receive large attachments in a reasonable time frame again.

But it looks like our benevolent host has fixed that (I must not have been the only person to have had that issue :p — Or, he actually reads my blog (but doesn’t comment. Oh, come on, gushi, just one comment? You can also plug hosting while you’re at it! :3) and saw my note).

So, now I need to hunt down a way to get all my files into an mbox file, so I can carry my email home. It lets me plot my responses without tying up mother’s phone line.

On an aside, I start actually working tomorrow. I’m rather excited.

I just find myself mildly irritated.
If things go the way they’re looking, I won’t be able to take a week off to go see my wonderful vixen.

This will piss me off to no end.

I’m going to fill out the Time Off Request sheets tonight, because I really want to see her, and I refuse to let them hold me down, when I make the request a month and a half in advance. Can you blame me?

Today, at work, I was scheduled to close at Skedaddles (Food Ave.).
Everyone who worked with me that saw me before work asked me, “Are you okay?”
I didn’t know why, then. I thought I looked like myself. But, apparently, they saw through me, saw through my Guardian front (I’ll explain this later), and saw the pain inside me.
Pain that even I couldn’t feel coming to the surface.

Carrying on with last night’s post, I was still thinking of my father on some subconscious level. He showed up in my dreams a few times, as well as some pretty bizarre stuff.

It could be seen that I was not well, and I couldn’t even tell it. One of my coworkers asked me if I was okay while I was headed out to my station. I told her No, and why I was feeling so down. She had went through a similar pain recently, so she understood the gamut of emotions I was suffering with.
Progressing: I was trying to change the box cutter’s razor blade tonight, because it wasn’t fully opening anything that I cut with it, and I had one of those moments where everything in my mind went idle. Sorta like blacking out, but not as intense.
When I came to, I had the box cutter at my left wrist. In the center of my hand, I had carved “JOE” with the blade. Not deep enough to cause bleeding, but deep enough for it to be seen. Had I not been drawn to senses fast enough, I question if I would have sliced my wrist right there or not. Would I have cut it deep enough to bleed, but not deep enough to bleed to death? Would I have cut it deep and fast to not feel the sting? I don’t know. I don’t even know where the hell these thoughts came from, and why they insist on being strong enough to square away with my subcon layers, but not my con layer.

But with this said, I was quite validly scared. Aubrey came over, and could see the distress in my face from this.
When asked what was wrong, I could only open that hand, and show her the three letters.
She went and grabbed the LOD and so it went from there. LOD and I talked for a few minutes about my feelings, and she suggested I come home, and try relaxing, as well as either calling a number they gave me, or visiting a website on the same paper.
I’ll get up tomorrow morning, and check out the website. I don’t think I can handle talking to a complete stranger with my voice.

A forewarning: This one will be a bit depressing, compared to most of my posts.
As many of my Livejournal.com-based users are aware, I lost the man I called my father on November 30, 2000. This man, to me, was more than just a man. Though he was religious, and did push it a little on me, he knew how to back off, though it went against his better judgement.
I thank him for that, because it gave me the strength to finally put my foot down, and refuse to go to the church where we used to go.
Why did I refuse that church? Simple. That church was naught more than a money-leeching pool of hypnotism. As long as they kept you under their charms, and kept getting money from you, they were happy. My father sensed this, somehow, as did I. Mother kept going, thinking he and I were losing our minds. He and I remembered the old church - same building, with an older pastor, whom I still have much respect and admiration for. Dad and I didn’t really care for (but didn’t dislike/hate) the (then-) current pastor.

I’ve been decidedly agnostic for a bit over a year now. Prior to that, I was (supposedly) atheist, but I thought about it. I doubt more than I disbelieve. I’m not against religion, but I’m not for it, as I doubt and question far too much. I get along quite fine with people who are fully within a given religion.

All this rambling is headed somewhere. Do trust me on that.

Nn-keh. A few days ago (Saturday, to be specific), I was at work, and I had a guest come in. He looked as if he were Jamaican or Haitian. I was in Skedaddles (Food Avenue), with a couple of other coworkers, including my boss, when he came over. He asked us for an All-Beef Hotdog, which we had just put some on the grill. There was one ready, which my coworker picked up with tongs, wearing gloves, and he said “I don’t want that one. I want the one in front.” She kindly explained that the ones in front weren’t ready yet, as we had just put those on the grill. So he said, “I’ll wait, then.”
Fine with us, we thought. So she stayed behind the counter, checking temperatures on the hotdogs when he kept asking, and I went about my business of restocking items that we ran low on during the lunch rush. Average things that weren’t behind the counter, such as Nantucket Nectar, various brands of chips, bottled water…
As I come around the corner, holding my apron by the corners with several bags of chips (about 12 bags), he stopped me, and demanded I read the ‘Bible’. He placed one on the counter, and I rather politely said, “No, thank you, sir. I need to finish with my duties here.” and tried to turn and walk past him.
He rather bluntly proclaimed, “You will Go to Hell, then.” right in front of my guests. “You don’t know anything of the Bible.”
I quietly responded, “For the record, sir, MY father was a pastor.” Remember me mentioning the death of my father?
“Your father is a DEMON preacher.”

There is very little in this world that truly angers me to the point that I see red lines and spots in my vision, but insulting my father intentionally does press the button. I had to force myself to walk away, and finish what I was doing. When I got behind the counter, my boss asked me, “Did he just tell you to go to hell?” - She looked irritated. All I could do was nod. She disappeared for a couple of moments, and returned. She then proceeded to ask me questions. Not only to keep me occupied mentally, but to keep me from physically occupying my hands around his damn throat.

You see, when I truly get angry, I get this feeling akin to bloodlust. If you’ve ever tasted the metal tang of freshly let blood in your own mouth once you’ve been angered, you may know this feeling. Blood has an unmistakable taste, and I could taste it then. Once I got done with her questions, I told her I was just going to go break down boxes (we had just recieved a shipment that day).

She had called Assets Protection / Security on the man, but AP needed him to say something harsh, loud enough for them to hear. I think AP needs a hearing check - I was standing over a refrigeration unit, with one more on either side of me, and I could hear him lean in and plainly say, “You ain’t shit.”

I walked away again, before I could say anything glib.
That asshole had done the one thing I just can’t tolerate.
I love my father far too much, even after his death, to let it slide.
I had to walk away, though, if I wanted to save my job. I know I have a damn temper.

He was still there, 10 minutes later.
I went on a 15.
I came back, and he was heading out the door. Alden, my boss, had him escorted out.
Alden flat out told me that he didn’t take that mess happening to his team members, and if it happened again, call him first. Skip the AP step - he’d kick his ass out.

All this leads up into reminding me how much I missed him.
I didn’t get to visit his grave on the 30th of November, so I went there today, while mother was at the doctor. I left her there to go get my aunt from work, but had time left over that I needed to burn off. So, I stopped by, and cleaned some of the tree junk off his headstone, and told him I still loved him.

That man was the only father I ever had. I never knew my biological father. Though he was my adoptive father, and my grandfather, he was ‘Dad’ first, to me.

Maybe I’m hinting at the fact that some of you who have your real fathers, but hate them for some stupid reason, such as he won’t let you go out and screw your brains out should re-evaluate, and consider yourselves lucky.

Or something.

This has been your Daily Angst, with your anchor, Xial. Signing off for now. …and stuff.

As some of you are aware, I work for Target.
I just made it through the holiday rush, and finally have days off.

Originally, I was scheduled to have today, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. However, I was asked to come in this Wednesday to help them with guests, prior to closing. I said “Ehh, sure. Just remember that I open [Thursday].”

All was well, because that meant I would have a near-full schedule for the week.

However, Alden (cool guy, and one of my bosses) tried to call me in today. I could only laugh, as my answering machine intercepted his call. So, that call failing, he tried my mother’s line, to the same result. Laughter doth ensue on my part. Now, had I gone in today, he could only work me for a maximum of six hours, fifty minutes. The reason is this:

Okay. I’m ugly. I’ll say it myself, and don’t need any help from anyone in the peanut gallery in saying as such.

This cleared, I had an interesting day at Target today.
I had a guest hit on me while I was scanning their purchase.
The guest looked at me, and asked, “If I gave you my phone number, would you call me?”
What makes it funny is, I’m male, and so was my guest.

Thing is, I’m bisexual - I enjoy men about as much as I enjoy women. So, this didn’t disturb me in the least. However, I’m not interested - I have a girl I’m madly in love with (Hiya, babe! I love you!), and I don’t think that guy would have been able to offer me enough to pull me away from her. (Currently, I can be bought for a 2 year span for approximately $2,600,000 — tax free money, that is.) That, and he was too hairy for me.

Now, I wandered around for the rest of the day, cackling like mad. ;P

Oh, and we just rolled out the new candy from Hershey’s, called “Swoops” this morning. (Have a look at the news article from AdAge.com to learn more?) The general comments floating around are “It looks like a potato chip!” from the team members, to “Is there a potato chip inside there?” from the guests. It’s amusing as hell, and I had to try them, myself.
My thoughts?
I tried the York Peppermint Patty variety of the Swoops candy, and I found myself less than impressed.
They look good (It looks like a Pringles potato crisp, in chocolate, with a wavy white line down its middle), but the taste is lacking.
A York Peppermint Patty, as evidenced in the picture on that page, as well as described, is mostly peppermint, with a thin coating of chocolate. A Swoops York ‘chip’, however, is a bit beyond the inverse: It’s all chocolate, bar the white strip, thus taking away from the taste I so desire.
I’m actually not that keen on chocolate, compared to the taste of crisp, brisk peppermint.
I’ll withhold the rest of my judgements until I’ve tried the rest, though.

NEVAR AGAIN, SAH.

I just worked eight days in a row at Target.
The result? I fell asleep, face down, on the wrong end of my bed, before 10pm, but fortunately after my vixen called me.

I woke up at around midnight, though.
With double leg cramps. Yes. Both legs cramped up at once.
I actually (shock! horror) started whining. I can’t stand the pain that leg cramps give me, and both legs doing it at once really hurts. I tried to get up, but walking was rendered difficult, at best, by the cramps.
Here’s what amazes me. My mother actually came in to see what was wrong, found out that it was leg cramps, told me to lay down again, and got me about 0.5 ounces of vinegar to drink, as well as applied Icy Hot to each leg. (Note: The cramps were so strong that bending at the knees was impossible. imagine trying to get back into bed this way. Tiiiiimmmmm-berrrrrrrr!)

For those of you who’re unaware of what vinegar has to do with leg cramps…
Vinegar is a really good source of potassium, which helps cramps go away. Though it tastes dog awful and burns going down, the effect it has is nearly immediate. Within a few minutes of drinking the vinegar, my legs stopped hurting so badly, that I settled down into a half-asleep state. That’s when I felt her rubbing down my legs. After that, all went black until I woke up for a short block at about 3am.

Anyhow. I’m spending the day, catching up on emails I should’ve sent a week ago.
Mousran, if you’re reading this, Email me your mailing address again? I’m going to reimburse you for the commission, since I couldn’t deliver as scheduled. I’ll still work on the story to completion, but I don’t feel right charging you, and then not being able to deliver when I said I would. Also, add a method of reimbursement that you’re comfortable with. I can do Paypal, Money Orders, or Cash, though cash is a last-resort option for me.

Next time, I’ll try not to switch sources of employment in the middle of a commission. The stress it involves is enough to crush me.

Anyhow… I’m gonna go find some other potassium-loaded foods, and eat those. My leg muscles’re still pretty sore.

–before I go, however:
I got my Christmas present from Fancia (no link Update your journal, dear :P) a bit early.
Care to see it?
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