Aaaangst

If anyone actually reads this regularly, they might have noticed the utter lack of posting for the second half of August. It’s not normal, at least since last year, for me to do that. I decided today to sit down and just blog before work, since it might help.

Right now, I’m depressed about a lot of things. I have that feeling I used to have when I was living with my aunt, trying to figure out how I’m going to pay my bills month to month with her. I decided early this month that I was going to try to clear up my student loan from when I went to a school that doesn’t even deserve a mention, given the way they treated me.

To start paying off the loan, I had to pay an initial lump of $500, according to them, and then pay $50 a month after that. The tradeoff is, as long as I keep paying on time, I get my Title IV eligibility back during the payback period. That makes me eligible for federal grants again, which is wonderful. Problem was, $500 basically eats my savings, since I’ve had extra expenses this month.

I feel… violated, heh.

But, if it means that I can clean up my credit record, then great. I’ll get it done, period.

I have to leave for work in six hours. I can’t seem to sleep.

Instead, I’ve Rickrolled, Tayrolled, sought out lulz over the internet, Looked at my Nintendo DS, PLAYED my Nintendo DS, and still can’t get over sleep hill here.

I’m tempted to get up and go eat some spaghetti, since I never did eat my dinner when I came in, opting for a lighter bowl of cereal to try to get by on.

I’d like some barbecue ribs at the moment, though. I miss having mom and dad’s barbecue a lot right now. It’s just not the same going to a chain restaurant, where they ‘barbecue’ ribs and serve ‘em, after being used to putting the meat on the grill, watching it sizzle and burn.

Why do I like the taste of burnt flesh, anyway?
Maybe because it soothes something in me?
I’m an anti-vegetarian’s best friend — gimme a medium rare steak.

I mustn’t run away.
I mustn’t run away.
I mustn’t run away!

I need to keep myself on budget, and it’s getting harder and harder to do, when I know I’m about to get paid again.
I like getting paid, I like spending money, but I have to hold out for now. D:

I’m getting tired of reading, and going for walks.

I need something to dooooooo.

(Copied from my post on the [tag]Robinhood Fund[/tag] forums. I intended a short gripe there, and ended up putting what I wanted to put in my blog over there. For posterity’s sake, and for preservation purposes, it is also posted here in its entirety, behind the link.)

When homeless are sleeping in the same [tag]homeless shelter[/tag], you’d think they’d give each other the courtesy and watch out for each other.
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i r ded

… or at least, that’s how I feel right now.
Struggling to figure out how I’m going to get a place to sleep tonight, since I work that funky 15:30 to 0:30 schedule.

I’m not sure what’s going on right now.
I am just hanging onto it for dear life, though.

Day Seven:

Dear World.
I am sleepy, bored to death with the training (because I’m not learning from it as much as I’m learning from actually seeing the work done, and being given a chance to try it), and just want a soft bed to lay on for a day.
My energy is depleted severely, and I’m starting to get a little testy with people.
I am barely managing six hours of sleep now, and it’s taking a toll on me. I can’t seem to compensate for it, with my awkward hours and needs for now. In fact, I’ll have to go donate blood plasma to have the cash I need for riding the bus in the morning.

All of this stuff is just truly frustrating me. I just want to make money, so I can have a home to call my own again, and a good internet connection.

I’m a ball of stress. I wish I could elaborate on it sometimes, but some of my thoughts I want to keep private.

I just miss having access to IRC and instant messengers when I need them. I just miss being able to talk with my friends at will.

I’ll get this sorted somehow.